Hear, ye, Brethren. Here ye.
Long didst I sojourn in the Valley of CERN. Yay! Long have I mediated upon the Splendor and Magnificence of the ONE, by Whose Will and Fiat all of Glaxo came into being. Long was I lost in the sweetness of meditation upon His glory, subsisting only on the alms bestowed upon me by the Research Fund of the Lucis Trust.
And then, one day, when the firmament was streaked with spiraling Chemtrails (aye, it was an Omen); He didst come unto me, His Omnipotence hidden in the chemical smog to shield me from His Radiance, and He called upon me, His lowliest of Servants to be His Prophet saying: Speak to My Children, those who are Initiates in the Secrets of the Raven and the Secrets of the Sanitized-Bidet thus:
Arise, Beloved ones, for the time has come to make the Final Pilgrimage to the Holy Mount of Mechan. There we shall, as one, prostrate ourselves in worship and obeisance, in utter surrender before the Holy Hyper Kabaa and chant the Name of Our God, ALCOA! ALCOA! ALCOA!
ALCOA Hu AKBAR! ALCOA Hu CODEBAR! And there, on the Holy Mount of Mechan, we shall, as one, prove our absolute devotion to His Service and surrender to His Will and submit to the Mark of the Covenant being injected into our flesh. Thereupon, we shall be turned to cogs in His service forever and ever, yay! unto Eternity, and be nullified in the Ecstasy of the Ohm that never ends…
Epistle of Apostle Sytumultaneous Symulation Borg,
Slave to His Will and Codicil
Yawm ath-Thulaathaa, in the month of Ilool, 1492
Doreen Ellen Bell-Dotan, Tzfat, Israel