Monday, June 21, 2010


Hair toys inevitably happen in a long-haired gal's life, No matter how sensible you are, you WILL wind up with a ridiculous amount of hair toys – and it goes like this.

First, you see the hair toys collection of someone with hair long enough that it has to be kept up all the time and you think to yourself: Frivolous nonsense! Unnecessary expenditure! You snark arrogantly smugly and think: I'd NEVER be so silly as to buy all that junk for my hair. I'll just do with a coupla Scrunchies and maybe a packa bobby pins.

But the orange of this Scrunchy is a bright orange and that just won't do with this dress. I *need* a burnt orange Scrunchy, you think to yourself. And no, no; that green will never do with this poncho. It's too, too…green. I need more of a hunter green with this…And you go to the weekly market planning to buy ONE burnt orange and ONE hunter green Scrunchy. You find them! There they are! Oh, joy! Oh, providence! You go to check out and the barker says: They're 5 for 5 (Dollars, Pounds, Shekels - whateva it is in your part of the planet). Oh! Goody! A deal! I LOVE good deal! How clever am I! And you walk out away with a burnt orange, hunter green, marigold yellow, violet and burgundy Scrunchy – delighted at having been so cagey.

Then, one day, your hair is too long to be worn down most of the time. So…you think about buying ONE claw clip – prb'ly basic black. You go into a shlock store and, lo and behold!, you spot the claw clips. How much does this cost?, you ask holding up the ONE basic black claw clip of your choice. "They're five for 10 (Dollars, Pounds, Shekels whateva it is in your part of the planet). Fine, you think to yourself, I love a bargain. And then you go madly rummaging through all the claw clips, how nice the clickety clack, and leave the store with not ONE, but FIVE claw clips in basic black, basic red, basic brown, basic blue and basic magenta with pink and white flowers. And now you've got FIVE claw clips that match some of your clothes, but not all. So, the next time you pass the store, yep, you buy anutha FIVE…And when you get home you've still got ONE outfit that you don't have a claw clip to match. So, you buy anotha FIVE…

Then you're walking down the mall and spot a hair comb out of the corner of your eye. Ooooh. Hair combs! They're hard to come by! So, you go into the store and ask: "How much is that hair comb, please?" The wily owner sizes you up in an instant and says: For you, I make it three for 20 (Dollars, Pounds, Shekels whateva it is in your part of the planet). And there you are with three hair combs: one black, one gold and one with wine-colored feathers, faux pearls and rhinestones. Just darling.

You're in a drugstore buying earplugs. On the way out, out of the corner of your eye you spot – could it be? – large ORANGE bobby pins. Now, that's novel! And you make a U-turn back to the cashier…

Then a store for all sorts of accessories opens in town. Hand bags and belts and HAIR ACCESSORIES! Oh, my! Hair sticks, head bands, hair clips, claw clips, decorative, large U-shaped bobby pins with faux jewels (too cute for words – must have!), hair combs, decorative pony tail holders... You figure you'll buy maybe ONE or TWO items. You walk in the store, point at something you figure is a bit pricey, thinking the expense will limit you to just one special something and say: "How much is that, please?" And the cashier says: "Everything is two for the price of one today." That's it. That's all you hadda hear. You go full blown manic (that's the way insanity is – it sneaks up on you slowly, stealthily and then BAM!). You grab a shopping basket and toss in TWO of EVERYTHING that caught your eye when you walked in the store. Not two pairs of hair sticks, but TEN, not one or two fancy hairpins, but SIX…

And then you get the brochure from your favorite credit card. Satin sheets are on sale. How decadent. Satin sheets. But if they'll keep the split ends at bay. And it's a bargain! You call up and ask for the ONE pattern of satin sheet you liked best and the salesgirl says: "As one of our preferred customers, you can have three for 200 (Dollars, Pounds, Shekels whateva it is in your part of the planet). Supplies *are* limited. So, act fast." And you do.

And there you are, one find day you find yourself one of the frivolous long-haired women with a ridiculous collection of hair toys that you were old and wise enough to snark smugly at three years ago.

Doreen Ellen Bell-Dotan, Tzfat, Israel

Join the Blue Ribbon Online Free Speech Campaign
Join the Blue Ribbon Online Free Speech Campaign!