Obscene Contraband

Returning from a sensual vacation in Miami, after having dropped into their favorite sex shop, Mary and Joseph Jones were just crossing the state line into their home state of Abalamala when Joe Jones saw the blue strobe light of a police car in his rear-view mirror. "Oh. Oh. Mary, I think they're on to us."

Sho' nuff, they heard the feigned polite, authoritarian voice of a policeman coming through a bullhorn. "Pull your car over to the side of the road, please."

Joe Jones pulled over, rolled his window down and said: "Good evening, officers. What's the problem? I don't believe I was driving over the speed limit."

"No, sir, you weren't. We have been tipped off that you and your wife are attempting to enter the holy land of the state of Abalamala with obscene contraband."

Joe Jones gasped as if horrified and said: "Us? Mary and Joseph Jones? Obscene contraband? Why, we have been members in good standing of the White and Decent Evangelical Church for two decades. We'll be attending the AEGA World Conference once again this year. Us? Wherever did you get the idea that we would bring contraband into the holy land of the state of Abalamala?"

"We've received information, and we must investigate. Now, please cooperate and tell us where the contraband is."

"There is none. We don't know what you're talking about."

"Please get out of the car." Mary and Joe Jones got out of their car and the two policemen proceeded to check every inch of their car. "There's nothing in the trunk."

"There isn't anything in the glove compartment or under the hood either."

"Check under the seats and under the carpeting. Check under the dashboard. It must be here somewhere. Think, Murphy, where the hell would somebody stash a butt plug and a vibrating egg?"

"Dunno, sir. Sir?"

"Yeah, Murphy. What is it?"

"What came first? The vibrating chicken or the vibrating egg?"

The senior officer looked levelly at the more junior officer. He was clearly not amused. The two officers found nothing. Not just a bit frustrated and embarrassed the policemen told Mary and Joe that they could go, got back in their car and drove away. "My cop's nose tells me they've got it somewhere, Murphy, but if we can't get our hands on it we can't bust 'em."

Mary and Joe got back in their car looked at one another and smiled. As they drove away the faintest buzzing could be heard...

Doreen Ellen Bell-Dotan, Tzfat, Israel
DoreenDotan@gmail.com