You know how so many lists have a thread for "Favorite Recipes" and there are always a couple of Betty Crocker types (some of them are burly men!) that present elegant, elaborate recipes, which they tell you can be prepared effortlessly in a flash? There you are, not even knowing what all the ingredients and cooking techniques are feeling like a total dork.
Well, as Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior with your consent" and I do not grant my consent.
I can offer a gourmet, knock 'em dead recipe of my own.
Not to be outdone, here is Doreen Ellen Bell-Dotan's recipe for
GOURMET PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY.
Two slices of bread - white bread is really best for this recipe.
Peanut Butter - any commercial brand, preferably full of sugar, salt and preservatives. The chunky stuff will stick to your palate best.
Jelly- any flavor of any cheap brand will do. Go for grape if you're into being unoriginal.
Take two slices of bread out of the bag. Force your hand into the bag to get the biggest slices from the middle, leaving the rest of the loaf in disarray for your family members to deal with.
Place the bread on a plate, or just on the counter, table, whatever.
Dip a butter knife deep into the jar of peanut butter and kind of swirl it around until it's covered with peanut butter.
Smear the peanut butter on one of the slices of bread.
Run your thumb and forefinger along the butter knife to get the remainder of the peanut butter off.
Lick it off your fingers or ask a trusted friend to do it for you. Dogs are especially good at this.
Insert a more or less clean tablespoon into the jar of jelly.
Scoop up a heaping tablespoon full of jelly. If you do this right it will make a suction noise as you take it out of the jelly. The sound should be something between PLUKH (guttural kh) and PLOP.
With a couple of sharp flicks of the wrist, drop the jelly on top of the peanut butter.
Put the other slice of bread on top, carefully lining up the top with the top and the bottom with the bottom of each slice. If you do this correctly, the sides should line up.
Doreen Ellen Bell-Dotan, Tzfat, Israel